The World is in the midst of a new epidemic: Lazy Men
Lisa works full-time at her job in the Sydney CBD. Her boyfriend of three years, Gavin, is currently out of a job (it was too stressful) so he spends his days playing video games from their inner-city apartment. But what bugs Lisa isn’t so much that Gavin is out of work, his last job WAS toxic and took its toll on his mental health, but it’s the fact that he is home all day and still can’t manage to put a load of laundry on or do all the dirty dishes he uses throughout the day.
When Lisa approaches Gavin about helping out a bit around the unit so she doesn’t have to do it when she comes home from work, all she gets is excuses.
“It’s just a couple of dishes, and we own a dishwasher…”
“I’m not good at this ‘domestic’ thing – I don’t want to do it wrong or you’ll be mad.”
“I was busy trying to find a job, I’m not just sitting here twiddling my thumbs all day”
But it is now 18 months since Gavin left his job, and he is yet to go for a single job interview. Lisa is struggling under the load of paying all the bills and supporting Gavin during this time, with all the domestic duties piled on top.
“I resent Gavin for leaving me to pay all the bills AND do all the domestic duties on top. If this is what life is like now, I really don’t want to have kids with him. He knows I’m stretched to the financially limit, but he doesn’t seem to care.”
Lisa’s story isn’t unique. Her friend Kelly has a similar story:
“Mark and I started dating about six years ago. And we were really happy. He had a job as a Plumber and I worked as a Sales Executive for a Mining Company. Together we put a big deposit down on a beautiful three-bedroom home that we planned to nearly pay off before having a family. Then Mark lost his driver’s license after too many DUIs. Shortly after he was fired from his job.
Lisa was furious at Mark. But then she found out she was pregnant.
Mark was really bitter about losing his job. Instead of working on drinking less and getting another job, he ‘thrifed’ in his misery. He now drinks a bottle of Bourban most nights. If he wants to go anywhere, either I have to drive him or he gets his Mother to take him. He hasn’t contributed a single dollar towards the mortgage in four years.
Lisa puts her son into daycare five days per week from 7am to 6pm whilst she is at work. Lisa pays the mortgage, all the bills and looks after her son whilst Mark sits at home all day.
“He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m kicking him out at Christmas time. He has had plenty of time to get his life back on track and at least contribute to his son’s life. But it’s like he just doesn’t care about anything anymore – he sees that I struggle, but does nothing.
At least when I move out (because I know he won’t) – it will be one less person I have to look after.”
Why Are Some Just ‘Giving Up’ on Living?
Women have been striving for equality forever. But since Covid, a combination of inactive lifestyles, obesity, gambling, alcoholism and computer gaming addiction are affecting young men in particular. Men under the age of 30 are working fewer hours than ever before, and a study done by Johns Hopkins researchers explains that today’s 19-year-old men are as sedentary as sixty-year-old due to video games.
Social isolation in particular keeps men off their feet, away from their friends and family and from being financially productive.
This was recently posted on The Imperfect Mum:
“Am I asking too much? Long story short, I think my rose-tinted glasses have been removed. In 2018 hubby had a back injury, I’m not taking away anyone’s pain, I’m very sympathetic, but he lied to his psychologist (Work Cover), he’s a one-time wonder – physio once, osteo once etc never follows the prescribed protocol. He told his psych that he games for a maximum of one hour per day, when he is really slouched on the couch for eight hours plus per day. How does someone with a back injury actually do that?
From there, he’s lifting 100kg at the gym, his work needs updated physical tests, he refuses saying he has a back injury (HE LIFTS AND PRESSES 100KG AT THE GYM) – so he loses his job. That was 2019 awards.
He tells the world he broke his back when he didn’t even reach herniation on a disc if we want to be exact. It was one with a minor bulge. Not once has he looked at jobs or started to apply. I’ve applied for all of them. He turns down the safe ones and ends up not putting in the effort for the commission ones. I’m getting resentful, watching him on the couch all day playing Xbox whilst I bust my ass looking after our eight-year-old, working, applying for his jobs. Okay, he’s not a complete slob, but God I hate it when he sees me making a tea and goes ‘NO, I DON’T WANT ONE THANK YOU’, reminding me how rude I’ve been to not ask him if he’ d like a tea. When I do everything else!
When I ask him to do things, he cant’ just do it himself. He had a really good job interview booked today, he called saying he’s got a cough, a couch that’s lasted four weeks of which he hasn’t taken any Vitamin C and it really doesn’t sound chesty, just a clear cough. Today of all days, the interview day – and yes I’ve tried to talk to him because he’s the one who has something to say about the overweight person walking down the street, the bloody woman or the Asian driver who can’t follow the road rules or park property, he has an opinion about everything! The Deliveroo Driver using roads and paths, the parent who let their kid get fat etc.
Our’ child’s friend was over one day who has a known weeing issue and she wee’d her pants sitting on our daughter’s bed to which he yells ‘THAT CHILD’ I told him he needs to stop responding with anger, to which he says ” I’m done with you saying I’m an angry person, I’m going to leave, I’m sick of this shit’ acting like I treat him badly. Then I respond ‘If you’re not happy – go’ to which he says ‘No – you leave’. Ummm I pay the rent, signed the lease, and manage the house.
So I’m done. I understand depression and mental health is a thing, but I’m also certain change comes with action. As my Dad says to me ‘He’s gotten comfortable with you doing all the work. I’m the woman who works 10 hours a day plus applies for his jobs.”
Is it Laziness or Mental Illness?
Mental illness is a real and serious problem. And some people – both men and women are unable to work or contribute financially or domestically due to those issues.
But there is a difference between someone who is suffering from mental illness and a person who chooses not to do something about it. Instead – they choose not to go to Doctor’s appointments or seek Counselling. They choose not to participate in life.
They wallow in their own self-pity to the detriment of their partner and children.
They choose laziness.
- Because providing is hard.
- Because being a parent is hard.
- Because being a solid life partner is hard.
- Because anything that requires effort is hard.
When someone gets to this stage, they need a great big shake-up and need to stop being ‘Enabled’ to be lazy.
Laziness cripples relationships, creates resentment and bitterness and turns a relationship into more of a dynamic parent/child.
How to Spot a Lazy Man
A Lazy Man Makes Everything About Him
A lazy man knows that serving others demands effort and energy. They deliberately spoil birthdays and Christmas or any family celebrations (particularly with their spouse’s family) with their own wants and desires which usually mean they would rather be home than spend time with others.
A Lazy Man Blames Others Rather Than Taking Responsibility
A lazy man wants all the benefits of a relationship and home without commitment. Who wouldn’t want hot meals on a whim and a warm bed without having to cook or do what it takes to make a comfortable home?
A Lazy Man Doesn’t Care About Your Wants or Needs
A lazy man doesn’t care about your sexual needs or wants, he doesn’t care about where you want to be in life or hear about your travel plans – because that takes work and thought. He only cares about what benefits him, right now. A lazy man doesn’t really listen to you.
A Lazy Man Refuses to Compromise
Lazy men know that compromising takes conversation and strategy and caring about the other person’s opinion. So to bypass all of that – they make demands and then ‘bully’ them onto you so he doesn’t have to compromise.
A Lazy Man Only Gives the ‘Bare Minimum’
A healthy relationship is about give and take and doing things to make your partner happy. A lazy partner will do the bare minimum to make the relationship work – but only just.
A Lazy Man is Full of Excuses but Not Changes
He is full of words, but no real actions. Sure, we all say we need to diet and lose weight and go to the gym, but we also know it takes real effort to actually do that. But when a lazy man is all talk and no action – well – that’s just plain lazy.
Tell us about the lazy person in your life. Email your story to [email protected]